What Women Really Want

The other night I was talking to a friend who has been, mostly happily, married for a couple of decades now.  Still, even the best spouses can be irritating and she told me that (at least in the moment) she doesn't really want to be married with all the attendant drama, she just wants someone to fuck.  I thought about it a second, agreed, and added, "And someone to carry heavy objects now and then."

Is that really what I want?  It has struck me lately that I am quite tired of being single.  But, like my friend, I recoil at the thought of relationship drama.  I loathe dating, which seems to be something of a prerequisite to finding a husband.  I'm not terribly fond of all that goes into building a life together, either - the negotiating and compromising around issues, the bringing in family and friends for whom time must be made - all the details that have to be worked out to create some sort of harmony.  Yet, daily, I think of how tired I am of being single.

Then it hit me.  It's not really a husband I want; it is servants!!  What exhausts me is having to do everything myself.  If there is grocery shopping to be done, dry cleaning to be taken in, shoes to be repaired, meals to be cooked, house repairs to be made, packages to be mailed, laundry to be washed, mending to be handled, bills to be paid, weeding to be done, the only person to do it is moi.  What I want is someone to share the numerous burdens of daily life.  We used to call these people "wives", at least in the middle classes, but since bringing in income became de rigour across gender lines, there is no one assigned this role in most households.  However, where there are two functioning adults in a household, at least this monotony can be shared.

For the two years before my sister was born, I took being an only child quite seriously and never quite learned to embrace the concept of sharing, but now - I want to share!  I want to share every single detail of managing a life.

Certainly, having a house full of servants would eliminate the need for a significant other, at least the practical need, but not only can I not begin to afford servants, I can't even afford a house that would accommodate them if I had them.  Which takes me right back to the idea that a spouse could come in handy.

I know; I know.  I'm quite the romantic, aren't I?  But be fair - I'm to TIRED to be romantic!  Who can think about things like candlelit dinners and weeekend getaways when one is thinking about unloading the dishwasher in order to clear off the countertops, worrying whether one has any clean underwear, and trying to figure out how to replace the gutter pipe without falling off the porch roof?!  It's not that I choose to think of the opposite sex as just useful.  I'd far rather think about passionate kissing and late-night cuddling, but who has the energy?

Of course, if I did have someone with whom to share the daily burdens - the boring chores, the occasional stresses - maybe I'd be less tired and able to get back to having romantic thoughts and feelings.  I wonder....