Mind you, I'd had a colonoscopy a few months earlier, so I was less than enthusiastic about anything that required more than simply showing up. But I'd agreed, so I wrote down what I was to do. No food for two hours before the test (it was at 2:30, so I could eat lunch at 1200 if I finished in a half-hour), no caffeine for twelve hours before the test (WHAT?? This I did not sign up for. I had to get through a morning of seeing patients without anything to keep me awake?? [This is not a judgment on my patients; I am hyper-somniac, so staying awake can be difficult no matter how interesting a case]), wear exercise clothes (what are they?? Somehow I didn't think my pole dancing clothes would be appropriate but I have nothing else ... a friend loaned me some in the end).
By this time, I was ready to call the whole thing off, but I've learned that doing such things only prolongs the problem. I'd have to do this at some point, so it might as well be this point.
Fast-forward: Stress test over, results good. Yes, it was miserable. When I lived in NYC, I thought nothing of walking 3 miles at a brisk pace. Then I moved to New Orleans where no one moves briskly; the humidity is like a permeable wall that one can only slog through. And now I live in DC, where, in spite of the fact that a metro exists, I still have to own a car, which means I use it and don't get much exercise.
But this got me thinking. My goal is to buy property in Europe and live there about half the year. I don't want a car there, and it's unlikely I'll be able to afford property in a city large enough to have a subway which means walking (or even biking - but that's a terror for another day), presumably pretty much everywhere, unless there is a bus that goes exactly where I want to go when I want to go. There are reasons why this is enticing - when I lived in NY, I loved walking everywhere. You see so much more and you're more likely to meet people when you're out and about on foot. It's exercise without exercising, and when I was walking everywhere, I rarely had to think about what or how much I was eating.
On reflection, however, there were reasons why this was not enticing. First, walking during the day does expose one to sunlight, my sworn enemy, and, depending on the season and locale, it can be uncomfortable. But the biggest problem is the problem described above. For over a year, I've not been able to walk far at all (and forget steps or hills!) without feeling that my lungs are going to explode and I'm going to drop dead in the middle of the sidewalk. Those idyllic jaunts I've been picturing could just as well be walks of torture and painful agony.
I do remember that when I first moved to NY, walking a half-mile was extremely unpleasant - I had to build up to striding all over the city, miles-be-damned. But the 3/4 mile I'd been walking twice each day (to/from my car and office) had not been getting easier. What to do??
Yes, I knew the answer. I looked everywhere for a different answer, but there seem to be no magic pills, no get-stronger-sitting-on-the-couch methods available. I had to exercise. Worse, this all became clear just as the pandemic (and lockdown) started, so I couldn't go back to pole dancing (which, to be fair, hadn't done a lot for endurance, although it benefited my body in numerous other ways). I had to actually do something that FELT like exercise!
I whined. I whinged. I pouted. (Luckily, no humans could see me and the cats ignore this behavior as long as it doesn't interfere with mealtime.). And I got off the couch. YouTube is a wonderful thing. People post all sorts of helpful (okay, not always) videos teaching you to do all sorts of things - things you might not have even known you wanted to do. In spite of the fact that I have all the grace of a hungry hyena ripping apart a meal, I do love to dance, so I decided this was where I needed to start. I found a group exercising to 'an 80's mix' - songs I'd never heard, of course, but that was hardly the point. I started with an 8-minute workout and was so proud of myself when I got all the way through it - huffing and puffing and barely making it to the couch after. Slowly, very slowly, I added on. A disco video at 10 minutes, Zumba for Seniors (who cares if I was watching octogenarians - you start where you have to), and eventually walking videos. They're my least favorite but seem to have the most benefits, so I've stuck with them. The one-mile walk was a killer, but now I'm up to three. And, though it adds nothing to my cardio endurance, as long as I survive at least 40 minutes of heartbeat-elevating movement, I allow myself to learn tap-dancing moves (something that I've wanted to do for years).
I'm finally at the point where I think I can go to Europe and wander about without humiliating myself. And maybe - just maybe - enjoy walking around a village or to and from the local market. As long as there's a couch at the end of the day.
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