At work, however, many of us remain unmarried. Some are looking for a possible life-mate, others wouldn't mind if one suddenly appeared, and still others have decided that Oprah's long-ago warning that unmarried people (okay - she said women - but men think these things too) are more likely to be killed by a terrorist than to marry, applies to them. Granted, when that statement was made, back in the 80's, none of us ever thought about being killed by a terrorist, but the same philosophy applies.
Nonetheless, we still think about them, talk about them, and plan them, even if these are not quite the weddings of our childhood fantasies.
Years ago, when I was already pretty certain that wedded bliss would not be mine, I announced that I had invented the perfect wedding. I would walk down the aisle to the strains of "There is a Sucker Born Every Minute" (from Barnum), the groom would walk in to my father singing "My Daughter is Marrying an Idiot" (from I Do, I Do) (this was a bit problematic on two counts. First, it would require not only a groom with a marvelous sense of humor, but also one whose entire family and circle of friends would find this funny, and second, well, my father can't sing.) My bridesmaids would be "flown" in, a la Peter Pan, on wires (don't all bridesmaids wear tights under their dresses?) and the officiant would send us, at the conclusion of the ceremony, down the aisle to the strains of "Send in the Clowns" (from A Little Night Music). One of my closest friends at the time, when I described this event to him, announced that he was pretty sure he would have a headache on my wedding day. Just as well I hadn't planned to invite him to be a bridesmaid!
The two never-married women in the group, myself and a friend, find ourselves plotting to marry the other off. I know that she would like to marry, so I do this purely in her best interest. She has made it clear that she wants to marry me off simply because doing so would amuse her. I don't entirely understand this, but am afraid to ask for clarification. I did tell her I would happily plan her wedding if she were to marry and she actually said that would be fine with her! So now I have a mission! After all, I have always wanted to plan a wedding, and being allowed to do so without the encumbrance of actually marrying someone does seem like the best possible solution.
In fact, I gave serious thought to the brief trend (how many people have to do something before it is called a trend? Perhaps it was a trendette?) of having a wedding to marry oneself. I decided that my friends would give me such grief that it wouldn't be worth it. Instead of embracing the idea that I love myself so much that I would choose to spend my life alone, I'm quite sure they'd either go with the "if she couldn't get a man to marry her..." theme or else decide I'd crossed the line into sheer narcissism. Not worth it.
And it isn't just women! Several of the (happily-married) men in our group enjoy these discussions as much as we do. The married among us love to regale us with tales of their own weddings. From the several-days-long Indian weddings, to the backyard cook-out weddings, to the thrown-together-at-the-last-minute-because-I'm-being-deployed weddings, people enjoy reminiscing about them. Even those who later divorced join in the discussions with fond memories. Such is the delight in weddings that two of the group have gotten their on-line clergy licenses so that they can perform wedding ceremonies. (I'm tempted to go find myself a groom just for the pleasure of having my dear friend, Frank, perform the ceremony. I strongly suspect that anything he would come up with would cause the wedding fantasy described above to seem dull and colorless.)
Mind you, we're a practical group. The most recent idea for a wedding is for the bride and groom to go to Nordstrom's and try on a wedding dress and tuxedo, then have all the guests show up right there and then. Someone will play the grand piano and there are always beautiful floral arrangements there. The groomsmen can either show up in suits/tuxes, or try one on and the bridesmaids can try on dresses. One of the licensed officiants of the group would arrive and - voila! - a wedding! After the formal wear is removed and put back on the rack, everyone will adjourn first to Costco for food tastings and then to a local liquor store which has daily wine tastings. A wedding and reception, all for the price of the gas to get to the stores!
Why are weddings still such a source of delight and wonder even in these days where huge numbers of people cohabitate with no intention of marrying and the divorce rate remains high? For those throwing the $40,000 weddings, perhaps it is about status. For others, the tradition of it all is alluring. Pledging one's love before others may make it feel more permanent. But if I'm honest with myself (and I usually am), I know that I want a chance to wear that costume ... er, dress ... and be the star of the show, complete with a fabulous strike party. With cake.
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