We Once Were Friends

This week, I "unfriended" someone on Facebook.  I'd never done that before.

As I would assume is the case for most people, I have an odd assortment of Facebook "friends".  Many are people who are dear friends in real life.  Some were close friends once but are now more like cherished acquaintances, and still others are people I barely remember but who, for whatever reason, wanted to stay in touch with me in this way.  I rarely refuse a friend request - only those from people I don't know at all, or those from clients are ignored.  I also rarely make a friend request.  As a result, I have good friends with whom I am in contact day-to-day but aren't Facebook friends and people I wouldn't recognize if we came face-to-face who are.  

This week I made the decision to eliminate someone from my life.

We used to be good pals.  We had each over for dinner, always went to each other's parties,  saw each other in plays, and got together for drinks or lunch regularly.  When she moved to Los Angeles, I made a point of seeing her when I went out there.  When she moved to Houston, I made sure I visited her when I was there to see my sister.  When she moved to Australia, I tried hard (and unsuccessfully) to find an affordable air fare so I could visit her there.  And when I finally got around to signing up for Facebook, she was one of the first to "friend me".  Good friends.

Although I try to pull up Facebook every day or so (mostly to try not to miss birthdays), I miss far more of my friends' posts than I ever manage to read.  So I'd go weeks without reading anything she wrote, but I began to notice other friends' rising discontent with her.  They began to grumble about how right-wing she had become, how intolerant of other views.  They talked about how greedy and bitter she seemed and blamed it on her life as the wife of a wealthy man.  This puzzled me.  She and I had talked for hundreds of hours over the years and I'd never noticed any of this.  She'd adopted a child from Russia and kept her low-paid occupation for a long while after marrying; surely she couldn't have also adopted tea-party values.  Could she?

Then I saw the vitriolic post about a recent Supreme Court decision and I knew she could.  I responded to it, querying with what she disagreed, pointing out various points that will benefit millions.  Her response was sarcastic, insulting, prejudiced and mean-spirited.  I read it twice, then unfriended her.

Ever since, I've felt mildly adrift.  If not for this forum that allows  everyone to voice every thought instantly and express opinions to be read by others before one has time to think them through, I might never have known that she and I have become so politically alienated.  I might have continued to view her as a dear, rarely-seen friend, without realizing that our values are now planets apart.  And though it could be nice, holding onto happy memories without facing new realities, unlike my former friend, I am neither afraid of change nor desirous of ignorance.  I've lost a friend.  One I loved.  But she was gone long before I knew if; Facebook just told me the truth.  Thank you, Facebook.