Regrets

In my line of work, I hear a lot of people talking about their regrets.  The marriage they regret.  The divorce they regret.  The marriage that didn't happen that they regret....  So I recently got to thinking about what I regret.  I mean, really regret, not just times I think I probably should have done something differently.  And you know what?  I can only think of a couple of small instances and those are all about how I treated someone badly when I was in a bad mood.

Although some might argue that I should, I don't regret any of my past relationships.  Even the worst ones gave me some amount of pleasure (and gave me an excuse to avoid the dating pool for a bit - always a plus!)  From some, I learned about life; from others, I learned about myself; from all, I learned about tolerance.

There are paths I might have chosen that would have been positive ones and sometimes I went another way because of fear or apathy or because I didn't know better.  But if I turned away because of fear, or any other reason, that's where I was at that point.  It's perhaps unrealistic to think I could have chosen differently, and impossible to know for sure that I should have.

The larger point, of course, is that focusing on regrets is always useless - unless it is a means to learn a better way to do something in the future - and then it becomes a focus on learning and improving, rather than regretting.  After I (finally) ended a drama-filled relationship of five years a couple of decades ago, my father said to me how sad it was that I had "wasted the best years of [my] life" on that relationship.  I gather I was meant to regret investing so much time on a man who actually was rather a waste of air, but all I could think was, "Really??  Those were the best years of my life??  So what about the decades that lie ahead?  It is time to go bungee-jumping without the cord?"

Have I ever dated another man with that particular set of flaws?  No.  Have I had other drama-filled relationships?  Yep, and one of those remains the best relationship I ever had.  (Granted, my criteria for "best relationship" may not be the same as that used by 99% of the population.)

Nonetheless, I think the important thing to do is to try to live so as to avoid regrets.  Possible?  LOL!  Of course not, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try.  I also think we tend to regret the things we didn't do far more than we regret the things we do.  So here are some things I'll never regret missing - because I haven't missed them:

sky diving
riding a mechanical bull
singing karaoke in a crowded bar
moving across the country with two suitcases, no job, no apartment and no friends
taking trapeze lessons
dancing on a bar
changing careers ... several times

I'd love to see others' lists of the things they've made sure they'll never regret missing.  I might even steal from them to add to my own.

We'll always have Prague

I have a love/hate relationship with traveling.  I love being someplace different, seeing the sights, meeting the people, eating the food.  I hate being away from home, living out of a suitcase, sometimes eating bad food.  In the days prior to a trip I basically refuse to think about it (I pack and make all the arrangements but it's sort of like making out a will when you're young and healthy - I'm getting ready but it's not like I'm actually going anywhere!) and when thoughts of the upcoming adventure do intrude, they are pushed aside by thoughts such as "Why did I sign up to do this?  I don't want to go anywhere!"

Given my curmudgeonly nature, one might reasonably assume that I never get much farther than my front porch, but one would be mistaken.  Periodically, my wanderlust side triumphs over my couch potato side in this ongoing war, and I book a trip.  I recently returned from a 10-day journey to Sofia, Bucharest and Prague.

Don't ask why this particular itinerary, just accept that I had some resemblance of a good reason for choosing it ... whether or not I actually did.  These may not all be at the top of everyone's must-see list but they should be.  

So what did I find there?  Sofia is a charming city filled with ancient buildings and new high rises.  We stumbled on the oddest changing of the guard I've ever seen, were impressed by the complexity of the peasant costumes (all hand-made, of course, but full of delicate embroidery and beading) and would round a corner, looking for a restaurant, and happen upon a round church.

The traditional Bulgarian food is fabulous.  And unlike many European countries, they even have a national traditional salad!  In many ways, the city still seems very poor, but someone must be shopping at the Dior and Prada stores!

From what I'd read, I actually wasn't expecting much of Bucharest.  The guidebooks even said there isn't much to see there.  The guidebooks clearly are trying to keep the tourists out of this city so the authors can have it for themselves!  From the Parliament Building (the ironically named "House of the People" by the narcissistic leader who built it) to Ferdinand and Maria's summer castle (a ways out of the city, but so worth the trip), the eye simply cannot absorb all the beauty that artisans and craftspeople throughout the ages have created.  And many are still creating beautiful things, such as tablecloths that I at first avoided, thinking they'd cost a week's wages, only to find out they could be had for the price of a pizza lunch.

Yes, we also did a couple of the kitschy tourist things, too, such as eating at Dracula's Castle Restaurant.  Where else can one get dinner and a bite on the neck by a stranger?

And finally, we caught the train to Prague.  This is my third visit and I'm starting to view it as a home away from home.  In my opinion, it ties with Venice as the most beautiful city in the world.  (No, I haven't seen them all, but I can still express an opinion.)  It's become so popular I feared that it would have also become prohibitively expensive, but no - one can still eat a ridiculous amount of fabulous food for $15 and one can buy one's (third) Bohemian glass chandelier without feeling the need to start skipping meals.

There are more wonderful places to visit than my couch potato side will ever allow me to see, but I've seen enough to have  favorites.  You can have Madrid.  Feel free to keep Rome.  And as for Paris - well, I'll always have Prague.